Thirteen: Season One
by TheSixthApprentice
Summary: This is an episodic story that revolves around Organization 13 and their mishaps. Join the Organization as they encounter their "nasty" neighbor Gretchen, Marluxia's gay-ness, Saix puppy, and more. Episode Two: Give a Man a Full Moon
1. A Blessing in the Pies

_A Blessing in the Pies_

This morning, the entire castle woke up to a homemade apple pie that Xemnas had been preparing since 4 AM. As tired as he was, he was quite buoyant to say the least. Of course, that magnificent smell would put anyone in a good mood. That sweet, warm cinnamon woke everyone up as the pie was finishing baking. The kitchen was in shambles. Pots, pans, plates, and bowls filled the sink along with many measuring cups and spoons. The dish pile stacked high and it was a wonder how the tower never fell over. Coffee was brewing in the coffee pot and there was Xemnas in the midst of the mess. He was on his knees, staring into the oven window. He counted down the minutes until it was time to lather on a thin layer of his homemade cinnamon icing on top of the crust. That icing tied in all the flavors together and was breathtaking to taste.

There was a creak behind him, but he didn't bother turning around. He didn't want to look away from his pie even for a split second. Duct tape held up his eyelids so he would never blink. It was easy to tell that Xemnas had been up all night seeing that his eyes had reddened.

"Good morning, Superior." Greeted Xaldin as he entered the kitchen only to notice that almost all the dishes were dirty. He sighed in disappointment. He was looking forward to whipping up some waffles. "Baking for the annual Pie contest, eh?" He gave a soft chuckle. "Don't sleep deprive yourself over it." Xemnas didn't move a muscle or make a sound. Reaching into the cupboard, Xaldin grabbed a box of a generic brand cereal and poured it into a large bowl. It was dead silent and Xaldin wondered if the Superior was even alive.

After a few minutes, Roxas walked in, looking around in all directions while biting his lip. "What's going on?" He asked to nobody in particular as he was too shy to maintain eye contact with the large man who towered over him.

"Don't you know?" Xaldin questioned after swallowing a spoonful of cereal. "It's the annual pie baking competition. The best bakers in The World That Never Was make their best pies. The Superior enters every year and hasn't lost a single contest." Roxas looked surprised and intrigued and remained silent for a few moments. The only sounds were Xaldin's crunches.

"Xaldin," Roxas was hesitant. The other just gave a simple 'hm' in response. "What's a pie?" Xaldin dropped his spoon in his bowl and shook his head.

"I keep forgetting you have an elementary education." This statement only made Roxas more confused. He ended up shrugging and walking away, wishing the Superior good luck.

The timer went off and Xemnas got off his knees, his bones cracking in the process. He grabbed his red pot holders that had many stains on them and took the pie out of the oven, making sure not to ruin it. Kicking the oven door closed, he made his way to the giant, arched window.

"Kingdom Hearts," he began, getting on his knees and raising the pie towards the ceiling. "May you bless this pie." He mumbled words that were hard to understand, but it was assumed he was worshiping the giant heart. Once he got off his knees, he set the pie on the counter-top and retrieved a small bowl from the fridge. Inside was his award winning icing that he painted onto his pie. He lathered it on and began humming. This instance brought Xaldin to remember his grandmother, and how she used to bake often. "Perfect." Said the Superior, placing the pie into a special container that he created himself.

Tearing off the tape from his eyelids, he let out an ear piercing scream causing Xaldin to drop his bowl of cereal. Acting as if nothing happened, he headed out the front door, whistling some kind of melody. He was confident that he would win today; he always won. Nobody made better pies than him in the entire world. Walking out to his car, he noticed his new elderly neighbor named Gretchen getting ready to leave. He paid no mind and instead hoped she would get into a car accident. He had an undying hatred for her. He hated her fancy house as well as her fancy clothes, and that stupid little wrinkled grin she had on her face. Xemnas knew he was better than her.

Later, he arrived at the large park. Many people greeted him as his apple pie was iconic. Everyone in town knew who Xemnas was and how his pies tasted the best.

"Another ribbon to add to your collection!" A man said as Xemnas walked by.

"Don't stress too much. You're going to win regardless!" Said a woman with a smile.

He placed his pie onto a table with everyone else's. He eyed all the pies and he knew that his was the best. He turned around to chat with his fans when he noticed Gretchen. His smile straightened as she walked through the gate holding a giant, three-layered pie. The entire pie was encased in a fancy glass covering with a fancy flower design. Xemnas' jaw dropped to the floor and he immediately began doubting himself. Bullets of sweat dropped from his forehead.

Gretchen came walking over at a slow, wobbly pace as old ladies do and placed her giant pie on the table.

"Hello there, Xemnas." She greeted. "Is that your pie?" She pointed to the small container in front of him.

Xemnas stepped away from the table as quick as he could. "No, not at all!" He cleared his throat. "In fact my _amazing, gigantic_ pie will be coming shortly." She gave a sweet smile.

"I can't wait to see it!" She turned the other way to greet many other people.

The Superior was fuming and hid behind a tree to dial Xaldin's number.

" _Hello?"_

"Xaldin, this is an emergency! I need you to bake the world's best pie for me within an hour. I want you to use as much magic as possible to make it the best. I don't care how you do it, just make it fancy and delicious."

" _But, Superior! I thought you were going to play by the rules. Using magic is against the rules of the contest."_

"I don't care about the rules! That damned, old Gretchen just showed up and made a three-layered pie! I need to beat that old woman!" There was a moment of silence. Xemnas knew Xaldin wouldn't agree to it. "Make me the best pie ever and I will increases your wages."

" _You got it, Superior. I will make you the best pie the worlds have ever seen!"_

Xemnas snapped his old flip phone closed and made his way back to the pie table. Looking around to see if anyone was watching, he grabbed his pie and tossed it into a nearby trashcan. A sly grin formed on his face. Now, without a doubt he was going to win.

He had never cheated in contests to win, but this time he needed to. His pride and dignity were at stake and he couldn't' lose to an old woman. Especially an old woman like Gretchen. He noticed her chatting to a few residents and his mouth curved in disgust.

"Look at her, acting all polite...It makes me sick…"

Meanwhile, back home at the castle Xaldin had a stack of books on the countertop all about magic and cooking. He knew what he was doing as he had been a chef for years and Xemnas trusted him. Flipping open the magic book he found a spell to make whatever it was you were creating for food, delicious. He immediately used that spell without looking at the warning signs at the bottom. Flipping through the book, he found a spell that would make any food look like the most delicious thing in existence. The food would change depending on the person. For instance, if someone thought donuts were the most delicious food in the world, then that food would resemble a delicious donut. He added that spell without reading any warning labels. Next, he needed a smell spell. He found one and added it. He whipped up a four layered apple pie rather fast, making it the tallest the contest has ever seen. He added pieces of fruit on the layers for decoration along with leaves. It had almost been an hour and Xemnas started to grow anxious as the contest was just about to start.

Xaldin arrived in a black car and delivered the pie to Xemnas in secrecy. The Superior placed the pie onto the table without anyone noticing. As big as he was, it was a wonder about how he could be so sneaky. Many people gasped at the size of the pie as it towered over Gretchens. He stood tall and proud beside her.

"Do you see that giant pie?" He asked, looking in the direction of the table. She squinted her eyes and gasped when she saw it.

"Oh my! Somebody must've put their heart and soul into that piece of art. Bless their souls." Xemnas rolled his eyes.

"That's my pie." He crossed his arms in pride

"That's your pie? Good heavens, if you don't win then I'm sure this contest is rigged."

The judge of the pies was a short, thin man who seemed quite friendly. After walking by the table of pies he noticed Xemnas' saying, "It looks like we have a winner!" Xemnas couldn't help but grin.

A few minutes passed and the ones who organized the event were getting ready to speak. Unfortunately, technical problems caused them to delay the contest for a while as their microphones and sound equipment weren't working. This didn't faze Xemnas at all for he knew he was going to win.

Ten minutes passed and they got everything working again, but this time a strong, foul odor filled the air. It was a mix of sweaty, old gym clothes mixed with ammonia and rotten fish. People started gagging and crying because it smelled so strong. The contest went on despite people vomiting. When the judge finally reached Xemnas' pie, he almost fell over. Not from the shock of how beautiful it was, but by the stench. He opened the lid and gagged, coughing so hard that his face turned red. He looked at this pie, his eyes watering. The entire thing had flattened and was now a moldy grey color. A valley had formed in the center. Looking into this valley would meet you with a wrinkly old face. It's lips moved and said, gasping for air, "help me!". The judge threw up immediately and everyone gasped.

"Get that garbage outta here!" He shouted. A few organizers managed to dispose of the putrid smelling pie, if you could call it that. Xemnas was horrified. His mouth dropped again and all eyes were on him. He kept doubting that that was his pie. Sneakily, he ditched the crowd to hide behind the same tree as before to call Xaldin.

"Xaldin! What in Kingdom Hearts did you do to my pie?"

" _What are you talking about? I did as you asked."_

"It smelled like a sewer and caused the judge to vomit! You can't tell me that's the best pie in all the worlds!"

" _How long was the pie sitting out?"_

"Why does that matter? It was sitting out there for maybe 15 minutes. When I get home I'm going to sacrifice you to Kingdom Hearts!"

" _Um, Xemnas. Let me remind you that cooking magic and sunlight do not mix. In fact, looking at the warning signs in this magic book, it says to store baked goods in a cool, dry place where temperatures do not exceed beyond 80 degrees. But, you can rever-"_

Xemnas stuffed his phone into his pocket and clenched his teeth. Of course this had to happen. He was regretting ever tossing his pie now. He was thinking about bringing it out of the garbage can, but his trash smelling pie was in there with it now. Making his way back to the crowd, he saw that everyone was cheering and clapping. Gretchen was in front receiving a large, blue ribbon.

"No…" Xemnas said to himself. "It can't be! That damned woman beat me!" He barged his way through, pushing people aside with his large arms. "I deserve this ribbon!" He snagged the award from Gretchen who gasped. "I was up at 4 AM making my damn pie. I deserve this!" The announcer tried calming the Superior down, but alas nothing worked. "This is mine!" Xemnas then ran off, jumping over the park fence and speeding off into his car.

It was silent, nobody knew what to do. Some chased Xemnas but were too slow as this contest was mostly made up of the elderly. The most amazing smell filled the air all of a sudden: warm cinnamon, sweet apples, and that smooth glaze... The crowd could not stop smelling the air and were drawn to a nearby trash can. A man reached in and grabbed a large glass container that held Xemnas' 4 layered pie. It was the most beautiful dessert anyone had ever seen. They began to fight over it as they tossed the glass cover aside, shattering it. The entire pie was gone in only a few minutes.

Quickly, the announcer grabbed the ribbon away from Gretchen and announced. "This years pie award goes to...Xemnas!" Everyone cheered, even Gretchen.

Back at the castle, Xemnas rushed into the door to show Xaldin his ribbon.

"So," began the other. "You decided to steal the ribbon from Gretchen?"

The superior's smile faded and he became defensive. "How did you know?"

He held up his cell phone, shaking it. "You never hung up."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Upon opening it Xemnas was greeted with a news reporter among hundreds of people behind.

"Congratulations Xemnas on your 10th win this year! How does it feel?" The news reporter pointed the microphone to the Superior.

"It feels...delicious. Like my pie." Everyone cheered and shouted while Xaldin face-palmed. Avoiding anymore questions, Xemnas headed back inside. "How did I win anyways?"

Xaldin sighed. "Earlier, when you thought you hung up on me, I was explaining that to reverse the effects, just place the pie in a dark place."

"Thank Kingdom Hearts for trash cans and oblivious people."


	2. Give a Man a Full Moon

_Give a Man a Full Moon_

The sun had completed its journey for the day, and clusters of stars that dotted the night sky replaced it. Accompanying these millions of specks was a perfect silver disk that bleached the castle into a ghost-like replica of day time. The glow of the moon shined into the many windows, sending beams into a particular Nobody's room. Saix had been in a peaceful slumber as the quietness enveloped him. The light seeped under his skin and into his blood, sliding through many of the systems of his body. At first the light seemed to change the length of his limbs, but it soon changed his face, his body shape, and the inner machinations of his mind. The light heightened his sense of smell and increased his energy as he awoken under a pair of silk pajamas.

Jumping off of his large, canopy bed and onto his four legs, he rushed out of the door in hopes of finding something to play with. The long, empty hallway proved nothing of use to him and instead he made his way down the hall, barking in hopes of _something_ to pop out. A door opened. The long creaking sound startled the poor pup and he ran. He came upon the Gray Area where he found some square monsters to fight. Hopping up onto the couch, he grabbed the soft pillow and began to chew.

To Saix, it was as if these "monsters" wanted to get away. To scare them he started barking at them. A shuffle of footsteps came from the hallway again, scaring the pup. Immediately, he went into defense mode and hopped off the sofa. Xigbar appeared from the darkness and rubbed his eyes to focus on the puppy in front of him.

"Is that- is that a puppy?" He bent down with a smile on his face to pick up Saix, but quickly dropped him after being bit on the nose. "Hey!' He shouted, shaking a fist into the air. Saix realized that this man was weak and began barking at him. When Xigbar started to chase him, the little puppy booked it and made a beeline for the hallway. The barks and the shouting inevitably woke up a grumpy Number Six.

"Xigbar, what is going on?" There were obvious bags under his eyes. It was beyond forgiving to say that he was pissed off.

Xigbar stopped in his tracks and rubbed the back of his head as the puppy made his way down the hallway. "Well you see, Zexion. I was having the best dream of my life. You see, Lucy and I were-"

"I don't care about your pathetic dreams! Just tell me what is going on!" Zexion snapped.

"Well, calm down there, kiddo. Look, I awoken by some barking. So, I went to do some investigating. Agent Xiggy on the job!" He did a salute and laughed. Zexion wasn't amused. "So I find this dog in the Gray Area. He was chewing on those pillows Marly just bought. I thought he was the cutest thing ever so naturally I went over to scoop him in my arms. You know what the little fella did? He bit my nose! So now, I'm after this little guy." Zexion remained expressionless and brushed off the situation, saying that Xigbar was having his "dreams" again. However, he was proven wrong when little Saix came prancing along and barking. Zexion was baffled.

"What is that?" He seemed taken aback and nervous.

"It's just a puppy, Zexion. He won't harm ya."

He rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Why don't you take him outside and go back to sleep. Don't let something pathetic as this-" he kicked the small dog with his foot gently, "-wake up the entire castle." Seconds later, Saix fought back and bit Zexion's foot.

"That son of a-"

"There he goes!" Xigbar shouted, chasing after little Saix. Zexion growled under his breath and hesitantly decided to tag along. Saix had led them into the Gray Area again and was barking madly. Footsteps came from the hallway again and in came Marluxia in a pink bathrobe. A pasty green cream smothered his face.

"What's all the commotion about? I'll have you know I'm trying to open up my pores to get beautiful, clear skin. Skin that looks this good doesn't appear over night you know!"

"Enough, Marluxia." Zexion interjected. "As you can tell, Xigbar and I have run into a little...erm... _complication_."

"Emphasis on little." Xigbar interrupted as he motioned towards the blue puppy who was chewing on the same pillow.

Marluxia gasped and Zexion immediately covered his ears. "My beautiful pillows!" He ran over, hands on his face in worry, in an attempt to shoo the dog away. "Bad dog! I spent 400 munny on these pillows and they were on sale!" He gave an over-dramatic 'hmph!'. "And I thought they complemented this room perfectly!" Saix growled as Marluxia pointed a finger in his face. "Don't you growl at me!" Xigbar and Zexion glanced at each other with a smirk as they both crossed their arms. As soon as they turned towards Marluxia in sync, he was bitten. "AHH!" He held his finger in pain. Marluxia continued to scream as he waved his hand around violently, running around the Gray Area. Mid-scream, he crashed into the wall and fell over without a noise coming from his mouth.

"That takes care of that problem." Said Xigbar, looking around the room for Saix. "Say, where did the little guy go?" Zexion pointed behind them and they both followed the puppy upstairs where another hallway full of bedrooms were. Their footsteps echoed in the emptiness and a door creaked open to reveal a sleepy Luxord.

"This is not a time for any games, gentlemen." He said, leaning against the door frame. He looked like he could fall asleep at any moment.

"This isn't a game we're chasing a puppy!" Shouted Xigbar without stopping. After his door shut, another one opened with the words 'puppy' being repeated. They knew it was Demyx.

"Puppy!" Demyx comes running and follows them in his ocean themed boxers. "When did we get a puppy?"

"It's Saix, you airhead." Xigbar replied. Saix eventually stopped because the hallway had come to an end. He was cornered. Demyx however, leaped in and grabbed Saix and snuggled him.

"Wow, you're so blue!" He giggled, tickling the puppy's belly. Saix licked the boy's face, causing him to laugh even more.

"No shit." Said Xigbar, crossing his arms. "Anyways, I think Demyx can handle the little guy. I'm going back to bed. He's your problem now, Dem." And with that he turned around and made his way down the hallway.

"I can't argue with that." Zexion followed.

Demyx took little Saix into his room and placed him on his bed. "You like that Lil' Saix?" He patted the pups head. "Hey, I'm sure you want some toys to play with. Are you hungry as well?" Saix barked as if he understood and Demyx laughed. Searching through his closet, he came across a small clown doll and tossed it at the puppy. Saix immediately started to chew the toy. "That's a good boy!" Just as Demyx was settling back into bed, Saix began to howl.

Groaning, Demyx sat up. "What do you want?" Rubbing his eyes he remembered he didn't give him anything to eat. "You want some food don't you." Getting out of bed, he scooped Saix into his arms and made his way downstairs and into the kitchen. "You want a sandwich? A hotdog?" Saix didn't seem to give any reply until Demyx said the word cookie. The puppy began wagging his tail and barking. After scratching his soft head, Demyx reached on top of the fridge to get the cookie jar. While he was distracted, Saix made his way into the bathroom. After closing the lid to the cookie jar, he heard an ear piercing scream.

The bathroom door burst open and out came a soapy Marluxia who was completely naked. Demyx screamed and covered his eyes.

"He assaulted my rubber duck!" Marluxia began wiping his lower eyelid, trying not to smudge his perfect eyeliner. "Oh my god I have been scarred for life!"

"Speak for yourself!" Demyx shouted, still not daring to look.

"That dog tried to copulate with my duck!" He sniffled his nose as if he was about to cry. "Oh my god I can't believe this is happening to me!"

Aggressive footsteps came from the hallway but neither one heard them. In came Zexion, storming in with his hands clenched.

"What did I-" As he was about to shout and scold them he immediately froze when he saw Marluxia. He let out a long sigh and turned around. "Why must I allow myself to get involved in these situations?" He then left silently.

Marluxia went back into the bathroom and tossed out his rubber duck. Saix pounced on it and began to chew. Once he sunk his teeth into the toy, a squeak came out and he froze. Demyx thought this was interesting and grabbed the toy from the dog. He squeezed it and Saix turned around, wagging his tail and panting, but he didn't move a muscle.

Demyx smiled. "I think I've found a way to get you to behave…"

Later on that night, Demyx sat at the edge of his bed with the rubber duck in his hand. He had been sitting there for hours, squeaking the toy every two minutes so that Saix wouldn't get into trouble. At around 3Am, Xigbar popped in to see if things were okay. He found Demyx nearly falling asleep.

"Whoa dude, what's going on?" He leaned against the wall.

"Well, Saix only sits still if you keep squeezing this duck." He gave the toy a squeeze. Xigbar's eyes went from Demyx to the dog.

"Interesting. Well if you want, I can take over."

"That would be-" Demyx then collapsed onto his side and began to snore. Xigbar accepted this and squeaked the toy for the dog every couple of minutes. About an hour later, all three were sleeping. Saix had curled up on Xigbar's back and Demyx was spread starfish on his bed, his arm hanging over the side.

That next morning, Saix- the full Nobody- was on Xigbar's back. He picked his head up and it cracked from the uncomfortable position he had slept in. He groaned from the pain and looked around, realizing that the surroundings weren't familiar to him. It was then that he realized he was in Demyx's room. Quickly, he got up and realized Xigbar was below him. Saix was completely mortified and ran out of the room wondering what the hell happened last night.


End file.
